Our Little Girl
by Satan-wears-prada
Summary: Just a sad one-shot. It's ten years later and Addison and Derek go to visit thier daughter's grave alone. ADDEK


A/N: I was on a downer when I wrote this, so it's sad, be prepared to get the tissues! You may need them! It's from both Addison and Derek's POV, then it changed to third person at the end. Anyway, please just leave me a littel review telling me what you though.

Enjoy.

* * *

_Addison_

I stand in front of the grave and look at it. Even after ten years I still can't believe that my baby girl, our baby girl had died. It still didn't seem real at times. It was unfair. She didn't deserve to be taken like she was. We didn't deserve to go through what we did. Everything was unfair. We really wanted our daughter. We loved her so much already. We were prepared to look after her. We had it all planned out, but it was taken from us. Everything was taken from us. Our life was ruined, our hearts broken.

She would have been nearly ten by now and I smile just imaging what she would have looked like. My hair, her father's eyes, her father's smile, my nose. She would have been beautiful. She would have been perfect. She would have been ours.

Montana Louise Shepherd. That was her name. Montana Louise Shepherd. Our little girl. Our little girl who was taken from us so painfully, so unfairly. Our little girl who was supposed to live. She was supposed to be on this earth, with us, living happily. She was supposed to come shopping with me. Get her hair and nails done with me. She was supposed to curl up with us at night when she was ill. She was supposed to be our little girl. But she was taken. She was taken and we couldn't get her back.

I wiped away the tears from my eyes, but it's no use as more just fall. I had decided I would be brave and I wouldn't cry in front of her. It didn't happen though.

---

_Derek _

I get out of my car and shut the door slowly, surprised to see the figure I see stood there at the grave. I haven't seen her in years but I know it's her. I can feel it's her.

I lock my car and slowly walk to the pathway of the graveyard. I shove my hands into my pockets and walk as slowly as possible, hearing the gravel quietly move under my feet.

I didn't think she would be here. I haven't seen her here in years. I mean, she doesn't live here anymore, it would be awkward for her to get here. I'm just surprised.

I stop and just watch her. I watch as she raises a hand and wipes away her tears. I can't see her face but I know she's crying. I know her too well. Even if I haven't seen her for three years.

I know how she's feeling because I feel exactly the same thing.

I just watch her quietly. It's all I can do right now. I don't want to interrupt her. I know she needs this.

I miss her as well. I miss her so much. Our little girl was only with us for a brief while, but that brief while has made such an impact, that I can close my eyes, think back to then and I feel as though I am there. I can feel both their presence in my arms. I can smell our little girl's smell. I can see her face. I can feel her skin. I can hear the cries. I can feel my own tears. I can feel the heartbreak. I can see them taking our little girl away. I can remember us clinging together after. Just holding each other and crying. I can remember it all.

I frown as I watch the figure in front of me. I see her knees bend and her hands reach out for the grave stone. And I know. I just know.

---

_Addison_

I can't. I just can't anymore. I can't do it. I need her right now and she's not here. I need our little girl. I need her so much. I want her. I want to be able to hold her. I want to be her mother. I want to hear her voice, her laugh. See her smile. Watch her grow. Watch her live the life she never got a chance to live. I want it all.

I need her, and I need him. I need him right now. He should be here. He should be here. This isn't how it's meant to be. Nothing is how it's meant to be. My life is just a complete mess. Nothing is right. Nothing is fine. Nothing is good right now. I'm alone. I am completely alone. I have nothing. I need something. I need someone. I need her. I need him. I can't have her. I can't have him. I have no one. I need someone, yet I have no one. There is no one.

Does anyone even care anymore? Do I matter anymore? Am I still needed here? What if I just, left, and joined her. Joined our little girl. Would anyone mind? Would anyone notice? Would anyone care? Do I matter to someone still? Do I have something to live for? Someone to live for?

I can feel the tears streaming down my cheeks now, and I can't see anymore. It's all a blur. The tears have made my version blurry. I can't anymore. I just can't.

I reach a hand out, wanting to touch my daughter, but feeling the coldness of the gravestone, reminding me of the pain from all those years ago. I feel my knees bend. And I feel myself, fall. I feel myself, breaking. Sobs escaping my mouth.

Then I feel it. Then I feel the strong arms around me, holding me close as I break. A soft voice whispering soothing words into my ear. Tender lips pressing kissed against my temple. The arms pulling me closer as I sob. I feel the welcoming presence around me. He's here.

---

_Derek _

I see her break. I feel her break. I rush forward and catch her before she hits the ground. I slowly lower the both of us to the ground and hold her close. I whisper soothing words into her ear, kissing her temple. I pull her closer, knowing we both need the closeness.

I can feel my own tears making their way down my cheeks. I can feel my own heart breaking. I feel the pain once more, and I feel hers.

I just want to take her pain and hold it for her. Let me feel her pain so she can be happy. I want to be the one who he took, the life that was taken, just so she could have our little girl. So she always has someone. So our little girl could live. So they could be together. So they could be happy. So she would have that sparkle back in her eyes. So she would be herself. So she would have that piece back. I just want to make everything better. I need to make it better.

I tighten my arms even more as she sobs. I continue to kiss her hair, feeling her hands grasp my arms as she squeezes her eyes shut. I softly rock her, tears streaming down my cheeks.

---

_Addison_

He's here. He's here. He's here with me. He's here holding me. He's here with us. We're together. Right now, we're together. He's here as I break. He's here as I sob. He's here feeling the pain with me. He's here as we grieve for our little girl. He's here as we miss her. He's here as we remember her brief presence on earth.

I grasp his arms as I sob, needing to make sure he's actually there and I'm not dreaming him. I feel him pull me closer and I know he's there. I knew he was there before he'd even touched me. I just knew.

I need him here. I need him to hold me right now. I need him to break with me. I need him to remember with me, feel the pain with me, miss her with me.

We both need our little girl back. We both need each other right now. We both just know.

---

_Derek_

I know. She knows. I know she knows. She knows I know. We both just know. We've both always known. We've always just known. It's just us. We're us, and we know. We always do. It's how we work.

I think everyone knows right now. Everyone knows I know. Everyone knows she knows. Everyone knows we know. I even think our little girl knows. Montana knows. Montana definitely knows. Montana did this. Montana brought us together right now. Our little girl made it happen. Our little girl is a miracle.

---

Derek just softly swayed Addison as she sobbed. He just held her, crying his own tears. Neither of them said anything, they didn't need to. They could feel what needed to be said. They already knew it. They just stayed there together. It was what they needed.

When Addison had finally calmed down, Derek slowly stood, pulling her with him. He looked at her face and wiped away a few tears before kissing her cheek. He took hold of her hands and brushed his thumb over her knuckle, linking their fingers together.

They looked down at Montana Louise Shepherd's grave before they both whispered, 'I love you little girl'.

Derek slowly led Addison back to his car where he helped her in before he got in himself and drove. Neither of them still said anything. They both knew where they were going. They both knew.

They both looked up at the Brownstone as Derek stopped the car. They hadn't sold it. They couldn't. They just couldn't.

Slowly they got out of the car and made their way up the steps. Derek unlocked the door and placed a hand on the small of Addison's back, walking in after her as she entered the house and looked around.

Everything was the same. Nothing had changed. Everything was the same. They walked in and glanced around silently.

They made their way up the stairs and into the room they needed. They walked into the nursery and looked around. Tears once again started, but this time they didn't break. This time they had each other.

Derek once again wrapped his arms around Addison, holding her tightly. It was then that he whispered it. It was then that she replied.

"I love you Addison. Don't leave. Don't let me lose you."

"I won't Derek. I love you too. You won't lose me."

And that was where they stayed, together, in each other's arms. They stayed together. They didn't lose each other. They stayed together until the day they both died years later. They were then reunited with their little girl. They were then a family. They were happy. They knew.


End file.
